“the genie is out of the bottle”-slavoj zizek
“and if you long to never die / baby plug in, upload your mind / come on you're not even alive / if you're not backed up on a drive”
x x x x x x
the following is an excerpt from the corpus of hermetic writings, that is to say, the “internal papers”, of THE DIVINE ORDER OF VIOLENT THROBBING ECSTATIC LOVE, a “cult” (lol) led by transexual rapper and performance artist Candy Rhizomatic. i happened to stumble across this sheave of articles just the other night due to certain connections i have to her inner circle (it's not always so easy to gain access to her events, most of which are extremely secret, shrouded in perverse mystery and conspiratorial faciality), never mind, i can't reveal how i got it, but this is the good stuff, it's not just some brochure, this is the real shit, the straight dope. check it out :)
x x x x :) :) :)
THIS IS A MEMORANDUM FROM THE INNER ARCHIVES OF CANDY RHIZOMATIC'S DIVINE ORDER. IT IS TO BE READ IN CONDITIONS OF UTTER SECRECY, ONLY ONCE THE READER HAS CAST A BANISHING SPELL AND DRAWN A MYSTICAL CIRCLE AROUND THEMSELF, RENDERING THEM INVISIBLE AND IMPERVIOUS TO ALL TELEPATHIC ACCESS, EVEN FROM THE MOST STERN AND PRACTICED SEERS, CAN HE OR SHE BEGIN TO UNFURL THIS SCROLL OF STUPENDOUS MAGIC. IT IS A MEDITATION UPON WHICH YOU ARE TO FOCUS ALL OF YOUR ENERGY, AND YOU MUST READ IT UNTIL YOU WORK YOURSELF UP INTO A LATHER, A DELIRIUM, A FRENZY, UNTIL YOU ARE JUST ITCHING TO ACT UP, TRANSGRESS, AND FREAK OUT. WHAT YOU ARE ENTERING INTO IS A BINDING DEMONIC CONTRACT WITH A TOTALLY RAD NEW LIFESTYLE, AND ONCE YOU REALLY GET HIP TO IT, YOU'LL NEVER PAY THE SLIGHTEST ATTENTION TO THE DRAB OLD LIFE YOU WERE LIVING BEFORE YOU ENTERED THE ORDER AND SURRENDERED TO ITS POWER. YOUR MIND NOW IS LIKE A LEAKY FAUCET OF DEFECTIVE MEMORIES, THROUGH WHICH DRIFT FACES, PLACES, THINGS, SPIDERS, CAULDRONS, ORCHIDS, WORMS, ANIME, MANGA, BOOKS, COFFEE, IPHONE. ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE OBJECTS EXISTING IN A PHENOMENOLOGICAL ARRAY WITHIN YOU. YOU HAVE THE POWER. YOU ARE IN CONTROL. SO GO AHEAD, STAKE OUT A TERRITORY WITH SEVERAL CRUCIAL SIGILS, BANISH THE EVIL FACES THAT TORMENT YOU WITH THEIR GRIMACES AND INSULTS, FORGET ABOUT THE MEMORIES THAT REMIND YOU OF YOUR MORONIC MISTAKES OF YORE, JUST FACE FORWARD AND COUNT CALMLY DOWN FROM 10, THEN BEGIN READING THE FOLLOWING TEXT:
UNLEASH YOUR INNER PRINCESS!!! STOP BEING SAD ALL THE TIME!! QUIT BEING GLUM, FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WILL SOON BECOME!!
VANQUISH ENERGY VAMPIRES!!! GET RID OF THAT NAUSEOUS UPSET STOMACH!! GET THAT GRUNGY FEELING OF RETCHED REVENGE OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM, GET THOSE NASTY FACES OUT OF YOUR MIND THAT REMIND YOU OF FRENEMIES YOU ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP WITH!!!
WRITE INTERNET POETRY!!! LICK YOUR LIPS IN LEERY ANTICIPATION OF YOUR NEWFOUND LIFE ONLINE!!! SLURP DOWN HOT BLACK COFFEE TO GET ALL ZOOTED UP TO WRITE A MAGNUM OPUS THAT WILL REALLY KNOCK EM DEAD!!!
ASTONISH YOUR FRIENDS AND RENDER YOUR ENEMIES ENVIOUS AND IMPOTENT WITH YOUR NEWFOUND SENSE OF WIT AND IRONY, AS WELL AS TRAGIC MOODY PROFUNDITY, ALTERNATING BY TURNS!!! SMILE!! BE NICE, EXPRESS YOURSELF!! GLEEFULLY OBSERVE HOW THE ENERGY OF THOSE WHO RESIST YOU MERELY PLAYS INTO THE HAND OF YOUR COMPLEX, DEVIOUS SCHEME!!! AND YET THIS SCHEME COMES TO YOU SO NATURALLY IT'S AS IF YOU WERE HUMMING YOUR FAVORITE TUNE, IT'S THAT EASY, STRATEGY FOR YOU IS SIMPLY SECOND NATURE!!! BE THE WAR MACHINE YOU WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BE, AND DETERRITORITERRIFY THE ONES THAT FORMERLY MADE YOU SCARED, THE BULLIES THAT HOLD YOU BACK, THAT ONCE HELD YOU UNDER THEIR SPELL!!! NOW IT IS YOU THAT WEARS THE DRACULA CAPE, NOW YOU SINK YOU FANGS INTO THEIR STUPID FACES AND SUCK OUT THE BLOOD!!!
LET YOUR ACHING HEART EXPLODE INTO THE WORLD LIKE A GALAXY OF CUM!!! SLAM DUNK!!! HELL YEAH!!! OOH, DAMN THAT'S NICE!!! DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT HAVING RESSENTIMENT, IT'S INEVITABLE, BUT AT THE SAME TIME, BE POSITIVE, THINGS ARE LOOKING UP, MAYBE THE GLASS IS HALF FULL, MAYBE YOUR FRENEMIES ARE LESS ENEMY AND MORE FRIEND, MORE FRIEND THAN YOU THINK!!!
READ ALL FOUR VOLUMES OF HEIDEGGER'S NOTORIOUS LECTURES ON NIETZSCHE WITH TOTAL PERFECT PENETRATING COMPREHENSION OF ITS CIRCUITOUS INTRICACIES!!! BET YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THAT TO BE SOMETHING YOU WOULD EVER DO!!! ACES!!! STOP CRYING!!! BE HAPPY!!! WIPE AWAY THOSE TEARS WITH YOUR SEXY FINGERS, CRACK YOUR KNUCKLES AND GET DOWN TO BUSINESS!!!
BECOME THE ULTIMATE POETRY CHAMELEON!!! WIPE AWAY THOSE TEARS!!! WIPE THEM AWAY!!! FROM NOW ON THE ONLY TEARS YOU'LL BE DEALING WITH ARE THE TEARS OF YOUR ENEMIES!!!
UNLOCK EVERY CHAMBER OF YOUR INNER LABYRINTH!!! UNFOLD ALL OF ITS SHEAVES!!! GRIN WITH INSANE COMPREHENSION OF THE VOID AND THE VORTEX!!! FLING YOURSELF FULL-FELLOWED INTO ITS CREVICES!!! BE THE MINOTAUR YOU ALWAYS EXPECTED YOUR PARENTS TO DISAPPROVE OF!!!
THE CHEAT CODES TO LIFE!!! STRAIGHT FLUSH!!! FULL HOUSE!!! NO LONGER WILL YOUR BODY ITCH, NO LONGER WILL YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WITH DIARRHEA!!! YOU WON'T EVEN BE SLIGHTLY UNCOMFORTABLE, YOU'LL BE LOOSE AS A GOOSE, COOL AS A FOOL ON A HILL, CHILL AS A MILLION DOLLAR BILL!!!
GET YOUR PARENTS OFF YOUR BACK!!! GOD MODE!!! FEEL THE ENERGY COURSING THROUGH YOUR VEINS, THIS POWER YOU SO EASILY BREATH IN, THE WAY THAT ALL OF YOUR PROECTS SEEM TO FALL INTO PLACE PERFECTLY, CREATING THE IDEAL OEUVRE, THE ULTIMATE LEGACY, THE MOST FAMOUS FORTRESS OF AWESOME ART AND BADASS CONTENT!!!
LAUGH IN THE FACE OF MENACING AUTHORITY FIGURES!!! REAL TALK!!! LAUGH IN THE FACE OF THE COOL KIDS WHO ONCE UPON A TIME DIDN'T LET YOU SIT AT THEIR LUNCH TABLE BECAUSE YOU WERE WEIRD AND GOTH!!!
NO MORE NIGHTMARES, EVER!!! DAMN RIGHT!!! BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER BE GONE!!! FINALLY YOU ARE BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS THAT MAKES WILLIAM GADDIS' PROSE JUST SO GOOD, AND IT'S NOT JUST HIS SUBTLE PROTESTANTISM, NO NO THAT WOULD BE TOO EASY AN EXPLANATION, THE ANSWER LIES IN THE SYNTAX ITSELF, PROBE DEEPER, YOU HAVE THE ACUMENT OF A DOPE LITERARY CRITIC LIKE STANLEY FISH OR DOMINICK LACAPRA!!!
ANXIETY ATTACKS??? NOT ANYMORE!!! FUCK YEAH DUDE!!! CRACK YOUR NECK!!! LOOK AT THE SEXY TEENAGE POSTERS YOU HAVE ON YOUR SLUTTY WALL, THE RECORDS YOU'VE BEEN COLLECTING, I KNOW YOU WANT TO WEASEL OUT OF IT, BUT YOU'VE CONSTRUCTED ALREADY THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE IDEAL LIFESTYLE, AND TOGETHER WE'RE GOING TO FIGURE IT OUT!!! JUST EXACTLY WHERE YOU FIT IN!!! WHAT YOUR STYLE IS!!! WE'RE GIVING YOU A TOTAL HALLOWEEN MAKEOVER!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!
ACCESS UNLIMITED ENJOYMENT NOW!!! NOW!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!! NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!! NOW!!!!! NOW!!!!NOW!!!!
TAKE ANOTHER SIP OF COFFEE AS YOU PREPARE TO MOVE ON TO THE NEXT STEP.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ :D
yes my friend!! welcome!! now!! you!! yeah you!!! feeling shy? like you are waiting for your life to begin? afraid of hurting people's feelings, or having yours hurt in turn? do the others intimidate you? are they competitive, do they try to vibe you out? do you have only a few close friends, but not tons, and do you sometimes wonder whether they are actually more like frenemies than friends, as such? does it make you cringe to even just look at your life? do you see what i'm getting at? do you lean back when you are alone and just stare at the ceiling for minutes on end in flatulent despair? does the cord to your headphones get all bunched up at inconvenient times and does your hair get all mussed up? do you sometimes have to look up the definition of a word because you're not sure if you used it right? do you scratch yourself like an orangutan when you're in a private place and quietly masturbate to obscene porn? do you know a little bit about astrology but not a lot? do you pick at your cuticles? do you find sometimes that you don't know what to do with your fingers at all, that your fingers become a burden to you, or do they feel perhaps almost arthritic and hypochondriacal? are you horny and bored, or flatulent and unsure as to whether you are horny or bored, or unsure whether you are horny or if it's just some kind of pavlovian response to stimulus or are you unsure in what way you are horny or even what you are into sexually? do your ears itch? are you a polymorphous pervert? well, my friend, you now are beginning your initiation into the coolest club, ever!!! aren't you just glimmering with excited happiness and anticipatory pleasure? nod your head yes. interested in the inner workings of the universe?? yes that's right just nod your head. the micro and macro cosms?? keep nodding let's see where this goes, see how the logos hovers over the misty waters and their inner pink noumenal fog swallows your brain in its spiraling vortex, flames shoot out of the telepathic incest mediamachine that electrifies the fog, itchy fucking a, engulfed by dogs crackling bone with flames for eyes barking volcanoes of sharp smokey embers of rousselian prose, sticking in your skin, scratching screaming in agony and scratching screams of telepathic train tunneling by, diamond at the inner sun of the city, diaper at the heart of the soul, scratching rat-animal insect guts of your teeth, rap music millionaires clutching cataclysmic arrangements of networked actors in a web of ontological objects, you are ULTRA FOCUSED NOW, YOU HAVE THE MINDSET OF A BILLIONAIRE, GRIT YOUR TEETH AND THINK ABOUT HOW YOU ARE GOING TO LIBERATE OPPRESSED GROUPS, YOU ARE A LIBERATOR OF OPPRESSED SOCIAL GROUPS, PERHAPS EVEN A SORT OF COMMUNIST, ALTHOUGH YOU DON'T NECESSARILY HAVE TO PUT A LABEL ON IT, YOU HAVE PENETRATED THE VEIL AND THE FOG AND ONTO THE NEXT STAGE, NOD YOUR HEAD YES:
clear your head and/or mind same thing head is just a metaphor for mind and mind is just a metaphor for brain which is a machine like a computer, take a bunch of fat bong rips if necessary or cocaine bumps, just chill for a sec as you unfurl the tender spiral scroll of your rim, the numb pads of your fingertips as they punch against the keyboard of your computer, altering the code, the cosmic DNA, archewriting brainparasites doubled back in folds, acephical double triple quadruple articulation, univocity of the outside of your tongue numb ontologically fucked through your tubes, gently taking in a text strands of hair the muscles around your ears lifting the jawbone clacking into place, eustachian euphony ahegao murky depths of unconscious eroticism, ahegao face sucking back the klein bottle of the inside to the outside, the unconscious, freud auf deutsch reading like a scholar, underlining all important passages, guardian angel influence archetype, rilke blanchot holderlin kafka tolstoy i see in this eye that gods you for a minute sure, skritch skratch through my hairscalp armor metallic shield of its helmet, heriodade hurrah hurray whoroscopic cretins in my earlids, slam, yeah, yay, yuh unh, urp, oops, ach, ech, erp, yep, crickets for real, psycho, yah, uh, eeny meeny miney mo, BOO HAPPY HALLOWEEN just vibe ya dig, checkitout check check check out the historicity of iconic ancient fucking statues in the art museum, the MFA, MFA MDMA headbang rap, the aura frightens you, ya? or nah? nah? you're too jaded, eh? well just growling in topological penis, trying to channel that energy and focus that chakra, the lurching homunculus unnervingly hypnotized smashes into buildings like godzilla, unh, yuh, huh, it's okay just whistle it away hun, hm nn pulsating kegel of sublimating anxiety, the museum guard won't notice that you are having a PROFOUNDLY MYSTICAL EXPERIENCE WITH THIS GREEK HEROIC STATUE EYES DILATED SCRATCHING YOUR HEAD TO SHAKE THE DEVILS OUT LIKE LICE
so pause now, consider your constipated identification with this constipated arrangement of your current living situation, tip toeing around the main issue which is your chronic masturbation anxiety addiction, but we'll get to that later, meanwhile absorb this chakra of pure light, and infinitely mold yourself to these lifestyle archetypes that scroll by, each one a sacred run for your mind which is wholly vaginal like a torus sucking in information subconsciously and pulsating orifice runes cluttering the octagon of your asshole, the cryogenically solidified mass of your memories, crunched and smashed and shattered on the hard steps of the asylum staircase
your head is an exploding flowering flame, bask in its glory, tremble in psychotic arousal, broken glass shuddering clenches your organic being, twisting and shakin and shivering in your hardon, trying to sand down this nub that gets so naughty, slice it off and cauterize your wound for good, architectural lines now infinitely modeled in gunmetal rhino maya and zbrush rendering, every detail perfect model of fractal branching focus, okay?
plastic surgery codes the 3d nodes of self,
gunmetal sheaves of
microscopic molecular consciousness brought on by marijuana overdose
teetering zarathustra esque over some abyss god knows what
afraid to astrally flip into some outer realm, leaving your body behind
4.5D or some next level geometric shit, yuh, yuh, ayyy who cares it's just pop culture
shuddering waves of arousal penetrate the orb of your aura, orifice oculus rotovator corpse, snorting a cloak from coke to make your cock taut, glittery snot stringing off to the bottom of a beach at the base of a cliff
sand crumbles in your toes
strumming the lyre of your left ear
quintillian explains the rhetoric
you've finally become the anal hot yoga hipster you once despised
grimace knowing this is okay
dye your hair metallic blonde
popped bubbles of liquid
frozen in a shakespearian pose
getting a little spaced out
back to balance
deep penetrating shards in your brain
unwrapping the gold foil now
okay ? ? :) :) :) ;) ;;;))))
unrapping the gold coil DNA folds like a virus strands
slurping goo onto the perfect divine 3d form ahegao effect of
of f f fortissimo ! !
divine second life body
and the band starts to play
savvy suave eyeshadowing eyeball ache blurring ahegao crossed folding into the depths of the eyeball, unconscious, freud
don't lose confidence now
don't lose steam
ZI DINGIR ANNA KANPA!
ZI DINGIR KIA KANPA!
UTUK XUL, TA ARDATA!
KUTULU, TA ATTALAKLA!
AZAG-THOTH, TA KALLA!
IA ANU! IA ENLIL! IA NNGI!
yeah no doi
picked apart your princess parts
3d bride, sliding rhizome
yuh kaching kerplow shazam
gigim xul edin na zu
zi anna kanpa
zi kia kanpa
the demon of the desert
the demon of the mountain
the demon of the sea
the demon of the marsh
DO YOU UNDERSTAND GEOMETRY? DO YOU REALLY GET IT?? TOPOLOGY?? TOPOS THEORY?? FORGET ABOUT MATH ANXIETY FROM NOW ON YOU WILL GET IT REAL GOOD IN YOUR BRAIN, SEE?GET THE INFORMATION IN NOW
ADVANCED MATH IS NOTHING TO SNEEZE AT
YOU WILL BLEED GEOMETRY SOON
SPRINGER MATHEMATICS TEXTBOOKS
LITTER YOUR ROOM
YOU DIRTY SLUTGENIUS
yuh yuh yuh ayy
the evil eye
the evil mouth
the evil tongue
the evil lip
X X X X X
transition to a description of “LYOTRON FRESH™, a shadowy corporation known for intentionally packaging dangerous mantises in purportedly normal groceries, delivered to various well-to-do families seeking to cut back on time spent in unappealing shopping centers (thus L FRESH does the shipping, so you don't have to do the shopping), but the mantises which were somehow slipped in, as if by accident and yet clearly on purpose, were terrifying young children and giving the elderly heart attacks, several famous elderly celebrities were tricked in this ungodly manner, it really caused quite a stink, many of them died in extremely awkward and humiliating fits of hysterical madness, but of course the mantises were never directly observed by the authorities, it was as if after they had done their job spooking these helpless victims they would scatter to the winds, to the four corners of the earth, to obscurity, once they had done their scaring they made themselves scarce. 'This is precisely the sort of thing that has been perverting and ruining our children, can you really stand idle while these crazed decadent idiots fuck up our society by way of these perverted pranks?'”
-report from a fringe fakenews site, a russian plant, typical bullshit, ignore it, the order is opposed to this sort of moralizing mockery of the avant-garde, the order believes that the avant-garde has permission to be pernicious, the order is pro decadence and anti idiotic whining against the wind of the weird.
IA MASS SSARATU! IA MASS SSARATU! IA MASS SSARATU ZI KIA KANPA! BARRGOLOMOLONETH KIA! SHTAH!
Candy Rhizomatic: So! how long have you been a member of the Divine ORDER of VIOLENT THROBBING ECSTATIC LOVE?
Hermes Trismegistus: I have been a happy paying member (I pay in blood, lol) of this group, for um, this order for like, um yeah years now [coughs], yeah it's awesome, I fully endorse it [gives thumbs up, grins].
Candy Rhizomatic: Wow! So even a famous hermetic celebrity magelord demigod like you can benefit from our wonderful occult psychic remedies? You feel that you still can still level-up even further from where you are now? That's amazing! It's totally sick!
Hermes Trismegistus: Yeah [loosening up, getting into the act], I mean I used to be mixed up in all kinds of nonsense and riffraff: DSM, DMT, CCRU, MDMA, NBA, FBI, but now I've put it all in the past, for real, this transition into life as a member of the order, it's been like, a total game-changer, I haven't looked back since I joined, I mean, I thought *I* was hermetic, but this [smiles mischeviously], this is just *too* cool for words. Yuh [pumps fists] Ayyyyy [gives middle finger as brutal jam cues in for a second, both dance wildly for the next 5 or 6 minutes]. Yeah anyways [laughing, breathing heavily], I love alt lit and I really REALLY love you, Candy [grins]!
Candy Rhizomatic: Wow! Anything else?
Hermes Trismegistus: TRUST me [leering obscenely], it's WORTH it. What is your life now you might ask yourself? You're probably obsessed with other people, idolizing celebrities, following trends and swallowing questionable ideologies, dodging toxic subtweets and enmeshed in paradigmatic perversion like a total dumbass, repressed intrusive thoughts spinning out of control, out of focus, frazzled, fucked up, fantasizing, focused on all the wrong things, overanalyzing, obsessing, scheming, paranoid, looking over your shoulder, never reading the encyclopedia and the dictionary even though there's stuff you need to look up, stuff you don't know... [slowing down for a minute and assuming an avuncular, Mr. Rogers esque tone, but still with a hint of diabolical seduction, a kind of whispery velcro in his voice, gripping you in a trembling lurch towards a delicious void of annihilating electrons] how could you focus on your education with all of this interpersonal drama? Now I maintain that since I now belong to the ORDER I barely even think at all, that is to say that so-called intelligence, intellection comes so naturally, so effortlessly, that if I wanted to solve a complex mathematical proof, even a really difficult, famous one, [snaps fingers] BAM, it's done. It's that easy [Grins and flashes a set of badass grillz]. Now I'm smarter than the smartest computer.
Candy Rhizomatic: Wow! No shit! That's so incredible, damn!! Can I take a selfie of us for my blog?
Hermes Trismegistus: No, sorry babe, I don't do photographs, that's my one rule, that's where I draw the line for publicity stuff [winks]. However, if you want to come back to my place for a little netflix and chill, I wouldn't say no.
~ ~ ~ ;)
now that you are approaching the threshold of total messianic enlightenment mesmerism formalism ironism futurism accelerationism feminism you ooze mystical odors, like annointed in a thousand bath bombs, SHAZAM! MARXISM!
get up and stretch for a bit now. doesn't your new body feel wonderful? still a bit stiff from out the chrysalis yuh, like freshhh out tha chrysalis yuh but you can feel yourself thriving, right? ayyy that's good. :D :D :D [peace sign with fingers, japan esque]
home stretch :D :D :D ya, it's just a text you are reading, no i believe in it, believe me trust me believe me trust me believe me trust me believe me trust me believe me trust me believe me
ZING! ZI SHTA! KA-POW! ZI DARAKU! WAKKA WAKKA! ZI BELURDUK! WIGGEDY ZIGGEDY! BARTALAKATAMANI-YA ATZARELECHI-YU! WAL-MART!
it's real, believe me there's no poison in my pen, it's tasty like candy or some sludge you suck when you're on the edge but like a birthday party or a halloween party it's just fruit punch, it's fine, something you can believe in, buy into, it's like kool aid but without the poison, or the poison is the secret that there is no poison or like, it's ANTI poison, like a derridean pharmakon that heals you up all safe and sound. TRUST me. it's soothing, wow, so... soft and... warm... and .... it's like being ... at home... safe.
hell yeah kid
ia uddu-ya! ia russuluxi! saggtamarania! ia! ia! atzarachi-ya!
yuh! yuh! ayy! yuh! yuh! ayyyyyyyyyyy!
zi dingir uddu-ya knap!
open! open! open!